You were abandoned, but sweet friend you will survive..

 

I know where you are. I’ve been there.

You probably found me by googling ‘my husband left’, ‘ being abandoned’, ‘will my husband come back?’. I remember desperately searching for answers in those first days too.. I am glad you found me.

Sit back.

Take a deep breath and hear me when I tell you..

You were abandoned, but sweet friend you will survive.

I remember the night my husband walked out, and parts of it still burned in my mind like it was yesterday.

I remember finding the hotel receipt.

I remember sitting on my bedroom floor rocking back and forth praying, covering my family for the storm I could feel that was brewing.

Wondering.. wondering why he was so late. Why he didn’t want the kids and I to come have dinner with him while at work. When he walked in the door he sat on the floor across from me. The room was as heavy as my heart had been. He stared off as he mumbled the words. ‘You know don’t you.’ I said, ‘know what?’. ‘That I was with someone’, he said. And at that moment my heart sank. I could smell alcohol on his breath and the emptiness in his tone. It was the first glimpse of the man that I loved becoming a stranger to me. I tried to gather my thoughts in that moment. Trying to find what I needed to say as he gave out half truths of what was happening, but I fell short. He said he would sleep upstairs for the night. I told him it was best if he left. He packed his over night bag as I fell apart in the corner, and I watched my love walk out that night.

I remember how the last 17 years of my life flashed before my eyes. How I felt like I couldn’t breathe. How I desperately wanted him to walk back in the door begging for forgiveness knowing he made the biggest mistake of his life. But do you know what?

He didn’t.

I know how you feel.
Time seems at a stand still.
Your world seems gray.
You can’t function.
You can’t fall asleep at night because the man you have slept beside all your married life isn’t there.
I know how the scent of him still remains on the pillow.
I know how you stay awake night after night hoping the nightmare will end.
I know how everything around you reminds you of him.
I know what it’s like to cry so long until you no longer have any tears left.
I know how every love song brings you to tears.
I know how no one understand what you are going through.
I know how hard it is to let your hopes and dreams of what were go.
I know what it’s like to have to keep it together in front of the kids.
I know how it takes every ounce of your energy just to pull yourself out of bed.
I know how naked your wedding finger now feels.
I know what it’s like to hold your children as they cry wanting their father and trying to be strong when strength seems furtherest from you.
I know how hard it is to let go of the dream of you and your husband growing old together.
I know how you try to bravely answer questions from family and friends when you don’t even have the answers yourself.
I know how the only person you want to talk to when your world is upside down is your husband, and not only is he gone, but that he is the root of your deep pain.

I know you are sitting in your tears wondering what you did wrong? You are wondering why he left? Maybe you are playing scenarios out in your head of all the ways you could have been a better wife. If only I’d kept the house cleaner.. If only I had lost some weight.. If only I would have held my temper in our last argument. If only…

Sweet friend none of this is your fault.

You will find that healing when you stop blaming yourself. You are not responsible for your husband’s sin. You are not responsible for him breaking his vow to love, honor, protect, and cherish you. Stop thinking of the other woman. Can I tell you this? The other woman? She is nothing special, nothing extraordinaire. Stop focusing on her, because if it wasn’t her it would be someone else. She does not measure up to you. You were once chosen. She was convenient. The best of his life was spent with you and she now has a very broken man. The very relationship that they started is on a foundation of lies. You will find in time day after day she will matter less.. and thoughts of him will drift away.

I don’t know how this happens but it just does.

Day after day you will continually push forward and then..

One day you’ll realize that your greatest blessings are sleeping right beside you.

One day you’ll find yourself eating dinner alone and not crying and enjoying your own company.

One day you will look in the mirror and see someone who is worthy of true love.

One day you’ll genuinely find yourself laughing again and you won’t know how you found that happiness but you did.

One day you’ll see your kids smiling and while you know their wounds are deep they are no longer surviving but thriving.

One day you’ll see a light at the end of the tunnel.

One day you will stop blaming yourself and realize your value.

One day another man will tell you that you are beautiful and how attractive you are. Even though you may not be ready for love again, and even though they may only be a part of you story for a brief moment, believe them, for you will know you aren’t broken, but, oh so beautiful.

One day you’ll stop living in the past and become excited for the future.

One day you’ll see old pictures and you’ll look fondly on those memories without sitting in tears.

One day you won’t be angry at him, and you’ll find yourself feeling sorry for him for losing out on the best life possible.

One day you’ll see that forgiving him was not for him, but that it set you free.

One day you you’ll quit waiting for an apology and start living.

One day you will finally just let it all go.

Sweet friend I don’t know how it happens but it just does.

One day you’ll thank God for how far He has brought you.

You’ll not just say it, but believe deep down inside that He has a plan for you.

One day you’ll see your abandonment as a blessing.

One day you’ll look in the mirror and know that your identity is in Christ alone.

One day you’ll finally realize that you weren’t abandoned, but that God was protecting you when He removed your spouse.

You’ll hold your head high knowing He makes the broken beautiful.

One day you’ll find yourself still with parts of the puzzle, like me, unanswered, but you rest assured knowing that God does restore all things lost.

One day you’ll be brave enough to tell your story.

One day you will find your abandonment is your testimony.